Because I recently installed Pets some of my CC won’t work and because of that some things may not look exactly like they are supposed to. For example, I had to give Midori a hair cut and some furniture in the house is replaced with different ones. Let’s pretend it’s all logical…
And I’m so sorry for the long wait for this chapter!
With mom out of the way Pascha found the courage to hang out in the house, rather than hiding in my old room. One of the things she started doing was to draw, which was a good thing because that drawing board had just been gathering dust since the day mom brought it home. I wouldn’t exactly say Pascha was a natural but it seemed to calm her nerves down. And that was probably a good thing.
“Ouff!” It was still two weeks until due date when her water broke and she was hit with a massive pain. She panicked at the spot and stood with her legs wide, breathing like she had been taught at the one ‘young mothers meeting’ she had went to. “Fred!”
Dad, as always, knew exactly what to do and escorted Pascha out of the house and towards the hospital. “Relax honey, you will manage this just fine. Just keep on breathing.” It felt like the short journey to the hospital was taking ages to come to its end, probably because Pascha was complaining a lot. She must have been in great pain.
“Pascha, I will be outside waiting, if you need me just tell the nurse to come get me. But I know you will manage just fine on your own. You’re a strong young woman.”
“Aaaoouch. Ya-ha-aa, okay.”
“Wow, they are perfect” Coral sighed happily where she was standing in front of the cribs. Yes, that’s right. Cribs. Plural. Pascha had been delivering not just my son, but also my daughter. “I can’t believe they’re Ashton’s, but then again, I can. They look so much like him.”
Travis hugged her tighter as she fell in to tears. Poor babies, they couldn’t help that they looked like me. But it would sure make their lives harder. “They really are perfect Coral” Travis agreed. “Kind of makes me wish it was our time soon.”
Travis leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Coral, I know. I just… Look at them.”
Abel and Luna gurgled delighted by the attention they were shown. It had been weird seeing them at first. Small, small Ashton juniors, both of them. I had been watching them day and night the first couple of days. Counting their toes (10 each), their fingers (also 10 each) and their ears (2 each). They were amazing.
Coral sighed happily again before leaning in to kiss Travis. I wanted to be there, I wanted to share this happening with my family. It was so unfair that I couldn’t. They were my babies after all. But then again, raising them was probably not something I was ready for.
Pascha on the other hand, she was an amazing mother. Neither Abel or Luna would be completely calm in anyone’s arms except hers. It was as though they understood that she was the one that would really stick with them forever. That she had been the one putting a protecting hand for them whenever something had felt awkward or scary during the past 9 months.
Their arrival had once again turned things upside down in the house. Small bundles of joy but also the source to a sorrow almost as great as the first couple of weeks after my death. Especially for dad. Since Pascha and the twins came home he had been in the nursery once and only for a very short amount of time. He had looked at them, realized that they looked a lot like me and felt his heart explode. He had screamed before he fell on to the floor, crying and shaking, whispering: “No, no, no. No, no, no.”
Slowly he had crawled out of the room and laid down on the sofa in the livingroom, where Pascha had found him when she went to feed the babies. “Fred, are you alright?” He stared at her without answering her question. Since then, he had never even looked at them, nor gone in to their room. All that grief he had been pushing aside to keep the family running, suddenly caught up with him and Abel and Luna were the ones to take the beating from it.
Dad did still manage to run the household though, and now that mom wasn’t around to steal his energy in fights and argues he seemed happier. Well, as long as he stayed out of the nursery at least. Pascha didn’t seem to care much that dad didn’t spend time with the babies, and she didn’t seem to notice that he also pushed her aside. To him, she was the babies. And that meant he couldn’t stand her.
It was a tough time for her, but she seemed happy around her babies, and with Midori’s support. Aunt Midori really did spoil the kids with love. It made me happy to see that the babies were taken care of, even though they lacked a father.
Speaking of father, Pascha sure did spend time thinking about the offer Sam had given her. He had been around after their birth, but the topic had never been discussed again. I knew Sam well enough to know that he waited for Pascha to bring it up, and that he still wished and hoped she would agree. That was how much he loved her, he didn’t even care if he had to become a daddy at this young age, if it meant he could be with her.
But I think Pascha saw through it all. She liked Sam, that wasn’t the problem, it was just the fact of his feelings for her. She didn’t want him to fall in love even more with her, and she was also afraid to fall in love with him, if he proved to be a good father. They were just not meant to be together, in her eyes.
In the end, it was Midori (of course, she had just proved to be the ice-breaker to almost everything) who made the desicion: “Little Luna, how much I adore you! You look so much like your father.” Luna gurgled satisfied, as she always did when someone spoke to her and Midori continued: “If he had been around he could have taught you so much, he knew every star formation, every planet and he was an amazing friend. But don’t worry young one, we will do our best to teach you everything you need to know!”
Pascha had interrupted the game she was playing with Abel when Midori spoke and were now staring at her. “What?” Midori asked confused by the so sudden weirdness that creeped upon them. Pascha cleared her throat and wiped something of her cheek and whispered: “I can never teach them that.”
“Oh, don’t worry. There is so much else you will teach them. They will learn chemistry and astronomy in school.” Midori laughed and held Luna close. “Besides, Sam will probably stuff them with such knowledge as well. He is basically Ashton in some ways.”
“Sam… You’re right.” Pascha said while putting Abel back in his crib.
When Sam came around two days later he was greeted with a hug before he even entered the house. He smiled, and I knew his heart were doing somersault’s in his chest. You could almost hear how it started beating extra loud. “Hey there momma” he smiled and managed to stay relaxed despite the rollercoaster of emotions he was going through.
“Hey there daddy” Pascha replied and a wide smile grew on Sam’s face. And that was that.
It felt both good and bad. My babies would have a father, but it wasn’t me.
“Ivory, how are you?” My sister’s ever so caring voice got on my nerves. Why was it that everyone felt like they could just storm in to my life and suddenly care so much about me? I didn’t need charity. All I needed was time. I mumbled something in response, which made her leave the room.
Fred had been right, I needed to get out of the house. Needed to be for myself for some time. It’s hard to even explain what it feels like to lose your son. There was so much I never did for him, so much time we never got. His death made me change. Where there had been happiness was now only grief. Everywhere I went traces of him followed me around. Staying with Angel, Jules and Aidan were a good start, but it wasn’t enough. They all reminded me of family, the way they spent their time together. One big happy family. It wasn’t fair! Why would they be blessed with the gift of love when my Ashton had been taken away from me?
I felt miserable. I felt worse than miserable.
“Ivy, come now.” Ava’s voice was determined and strong and so was her arms that pulled me off the bed I had been lying in for days now. “I won’t make you go throw eggs on someone’s house today, but you need to get yourself together.”
I couldn’t help but to smile. They were right, I really needed to get my shit together. I felt sorry for them, throughout our lives they had lived in the shadow of me. I had been pushed against so much trouble and hard times that their lives had been less important. And they had never complained, instead they had always been there for me, helping me to get through it all.
Still, I couldn’t help but complain. I didn’t want to do anything, so I followed them reluctantly.
They never told me where we were heading, and it was probably for the best. Had I known what was coming, there’s no way I would have agreed to come with them. However, in the end we ended up at a party. And not just any party…
“Oh my, Ivory?! Wow, long time no see! How is everything?”
My sisters soon left me alone to catch up with Nico and he was just the same funny guy that he had been back in the days as well. It was hard to accept, but I was actually having a good time. We talked for quite some time before the question of family popped up and when it did I found myself able to talk about Ashton without falling in to tears for the first time since he died:
“I married Fred, you know that officer we pranked when we got caught? We had three beautiful children: Coral, Midori and Ashton.”
“Oh. My condolences.”
“Thanks. So, what about you? Any family?”
“Ouch, that must be tough… Maybe you’ll get a chance to win her heart some day, or find someone else. I know you’re a good guy, she would be one lucky girl.” I tried to provide him some comfort but I probably failed. I was still surprised that my heart hadn’t exploded when I told him about Ashton. Maybe, just maybe, I was actually able to live again?